Hindsight (Vol I)
Eileen sipped from a coffee mug, attempting to unlock her office door with only one hand. The building's security guard was approaching.
"Hey, shrink! I wanted to thank you for—
"We've been over this, Dan. I have a name. So do you," she quipped, voice distraught, soon dropping the keys.
"Oh, let me get those for ya." He quickly jogged over.
"No, that's okay, I can—
His hand grazed hers, causing a vision to take hold. Dan was tied down to a bed, entrapped in a form-fitting leather bondage suit while a tall woman stood over him, wearing a similar outfit, lengthy strap-on, clutching a whip.
"Hey, go easy this time, Alina. The wife wanted to know why I had a long, red welt down my back. Told her it was psoriasis. Runs in the family."
"жалкий, неблагодарный—you call me mistress. Or we're done here!"
Eileen hurriedly snapped out of it, nervously clearing her throat before grabbing the keys, unable to make eye contact.
"Um, you okay?" They both stood.
"Mmhmm, sure. Just gotta, uh—
"You looked lost for a minute there. Thought maybe you were stroking out or somethin'."
"Nope, all good. I'm just," she struggled a while longer, finally opening the door after a few tense moments. "Not really awake yet. Monday's, huh?"
"Uh-huh. So, I'll see you tomorrow for our appoint—
"Bye!"
"-ment. Hm." He stood there perplexed as the door slammed.
"Hey, Doc. What's wrong with your face," Lydia, her secretary and best friend asked. She was gently stirring a mug of coffee.
"My face?" Eileen retorted, almost shaking.
"Was that Dan I heard out there?"
"Mhm. Yep. Anyone in the bathroom?"
"You mean the private one? In your office? Which is... locked? Uh, no."
"Great. Be right back." She left a moment before quickly returning in a huff. "Pegging!"
"What now?"
"Dan is into," Eileen lowered her voice, "pegging!"
"Shut. Up. How do you know? Wait. Was this a vision?" She nodded in response; lips pursed, eyes bulging from her skull. "Man. And to think I was starting to hate it here. That rules."
"Wha-? I just hired you."
"Anyway, remember how pumped you were that nobody was booked at 1 so you could take an extra-long lunch?"
She sighed, sounding defeated, "Yes..."
"Good news is he sounds cute."
"Oh, well. Thank you. Means a lot."
"So, I had a super weird dream last night," Lydia noted, now holding out her arm.
"What're you doing?"
"C'mon. Do the thing!"
"Ugh. How many times have I told you? That's not how it works. Not all the time, anyway."
"C'mon," she whined. "It's like the one cool thing about you. Touch me!"
"Yeah, I learned my lesson the first time." Eileen headed for her office.
"Hey, that's how we became best friends! Plus, it'd really turn me on. Huh?"
"Now I hate it here." She noticed a rustic, foldable picture frame, with one half containing poetry, sitting on her desk. It read:
"Wish upon a star,
It glistens, anxious for prayer,
Speak, and so shall you be heard.
But I'm truly blessed,
Wealthy with love,
God already put you in my life."
—Unknown
"Where did this come from," she muttered. "Hey, Lyd."
"Yeah?"
"Did this arrive in the mail or something?"
"Ooh. Speaking of cuties. Your brother," she noted, now staring at his picture. "If only he weren't... y'know. Incarcerated. Or gay. Hey, we should get him and Dan—
"Just because he likes playing catcher with his... mistress, doesn't mean Dan is gay."
"Course not. But he's at least bi, right? So, we talk to—
"Focus! How did this get here?"
"Maybe Lou brought it up?"
"But Lou would just deliver the package not put it on my desk."
"Oh my god," she leaned back into her chair, exasperated, hands covering her eyes. "This is not how mornings are supposed to go. So much talking."
"Think I should call security?" Lydia then peeked for a moment, slowly reaching over. "Someone obviously intercepted my mail, broke in and... now we're holding hands."
"What, nothing?!"
"You're insufferable."
"Does it have to be by accident? Am I squeezing hard enough?"
"Why not just tell me about the dream?"
"Because I can't remember it. Duh!"
"Look, we'll— I mean, I'll deal with this later. My 8:30 will be here soon. Now, at least pretend to be a secretary."
"Ugh, fine. Your power sucks."
"Watch it."
Later, Eileen sat in her car, dejected, watching others as they came back from lunch. She recalled an intense argument from several years prior.
"Where are they?!"
"Where's what? You're acting crazy."
"I'm checking upstairs."
"Sis. Whatever happened to a little fucking trust, huh?" He muttered, bowing his head.
"I saw, David. Okay?!"
"Oh, here we go with this psychic bullshit. Look, it was a cute party trick for a while, at least that one time you actually went to a party, but nobody buys it, Eileen. I mean, do you know how embarrassing this is? All our lives, between the two of us, I was the cool one. Fucking imagine! Ha, me! The boy who wore dresses and got beaten up! But at least I left the house once in a— oh, Jesus Christ." He found her in his room, clothes now strewn all over the floor, mattress flipped. "Hey. Come here. Look at yourself. Eileen! You need to—
"Don't touch me!" She grew frantic, tears streaming down each cheek, body shaking. "You're no better than mom!"
"Hey. You okay?" A man asked, now knocking on the driver-side window, interrupting her painful recollection.
"Oh, um yeah," Eileen implored, unconvincingly, sniffing as she got out, soon meeting the gaze of his hazel, puppy-dog eyes. "Just... allergies."
"I'd be upset too if I were that terrible a liar."
She grinned, pulling a tissue from her purse. "Not great, eh?"
"Honestly, things haven't been easy for me either. I'm about to head inside for my first therapy session. Bit nervous."
"Fuck me."
"What," he chuckled. "You don't believe in it? Because I really don't either. But. My friends and family think, well. I won't bore you."
"No, no, I do. Excuse me, just gotta throw this away. Um. Not so much when your therapist is a hot mess herself, though."
"Well, actually, I heard that most psychologists have—wait. Are you...?"
She exhaled, stiffened up her arms, and let them fall to each side like planks of wood. The awkward tension was palpable.
"Eileen Parker, if you'll have me."
"Let's do it."
"Wait. Really? You want the crazy lady who was just crying in her car?"
"I think it's refreshing."
"Wait," Lydia stated, eyes widened; now back from lunch. "Is this—are you her 1'o'clock?"
"Yeah."
"Damn. Tall, dark, and handsome. What'd I tell ya? Forget lunch, girl. He's a whole-ass snack!" She walked off, leading Eileen to bow her head out of embarrassment.
"And that... would be my secretary. Seriously, just run. Go literally anywhere else."
"It's fine. Y'all got me loosened up a bit. That's not easy to do."
"I appreciate it."
"I appreciate you not calling the police with a black man knocking on your door."
"Oh stop."
"Should know better." They headed back towards the entrance.
"Hey, Eileen. See? Used your name," Dan emphasized, stopping her right as they got inside. Another guard, heavyset, was eating microwaveable mac'n'cheese in their office nearby. "Heard someone snuck in and planted some drugs in your desk. Who's this?"
"Oh, uh, Sean. How are you?"
"Anyway, I was about to—
"Wonder who could've started that rumor." She glared at Lydia who was waiting for the elevator. "No, it's a picture frame."
"So... no drugs?"
"Unfortunately."
"Hear that, Brian? No need to panic." He raised his spoon without looking, appearing unbothered. "New guy. They always tend to be on-edge."
"Uh-huh. Well. If you'll excuse my client and I, we're due upstairs."
"Ooh, client, huh? Hey, she's the best. It's like she knows everything about you without even having to mention a word."
"Yep, I've got him pegged. Oh, um. I didn't mean—just... let me know what you find out, huh? Thanks! Let's go."
"The best." Dan shook his head as they walked off, grinning in awe.
"So, let's get a baseline. I see you wrote here that depression is a major factor," Eileen noted, now upstairs, finally situated.
"Ever since coming back from the military, it's been tough. Honestly, my whole life it's felt like I'm treading water."
"Thank you for serving. Why don't you expand on that last part?"
"Yeah, uh. I don't know. Just never really had a sense of purpose. Even as a kid. Pretty sure that's the reason I enlisted. How dumb is that. Probably have a thousand more issues now.
"It's not... dumb at all. Why don't, um, you tell me," she began to perspire as a feeling of dread built up inside. "how long were you in the military?"
He exhaled, "Oh, let's see. Six years."
"Uh-huh."
"My mom cried so hard the day I left. Dad gave me a pat on the back, tears in his eyes. See, that's the thing. I've always had supportive parents. Decent childhood. Just doesn't seem to make sense. I feel like..."
Another vision then took hold, unprompted, this time of a sailboat. The sky clear, water serene. Despite everything appearing so calm, her anxiety was persistent. She noticed what appeared to be the back of a man standing on the bow, looking towards the horizon, wearing a captain's uniform. He was whistling an arbitrary tune, though it somehow resonated with Eileen. "...can't remember the last time that's even happened." She then transitioned back to reality, panting. Confused. Sean was still carrying on.
"Have you ever, um, been sailing?" He stared a moment, thrown off by the apparent random question.
"No? Can't say that I have. Are you sure everything's alright?"
No, she thought to herself.